It never seems to fail. I get the baby to drift off into nap time slumberland and I crawl into the welcoming comforts of my own bed. As my head hits the pillow, a "woof" resounds down the hallway, demanding attention. I suppress the urge to scream "QUIET!" from where I lay by acknowledging the even greater urge not to wake the baby. And so, I crawl from where the comforter had just molded to my shape and hiss angrily at kennels. The next half hour proceeds with whimpers and whines. The slightest scritch and scratch on the kennel floor or the rattle of a paw against the kennel door causes me to jerk awake, wondering if my daughter has stirred.
Of course, it doesn't help that laying horizontally seems to kick the thinking into overdrive. Each passing moment changes or adds to my story. That is what happens with thinking. Sideswiped by the book van once again, and I'm down the road wondering what other evils I can throw my hero up against wishing that my mind would just shut off for once so that I can get to sleep. The worst part is, I can't stay in one book! Tidbits pop into my head, adding twists and turns, and I spend the next several minutes working it out in my brain to make certain that everything flows. I know what I want to happen in the book, it's just getting there that's the adventure. Everything that happens has consequences. If the consequences are meaningless, then what was the point of the thing that happened? The scene changes and the events shift. The thief once whisked the slave girl away so that she would live protected ever after... but it didn't add to the story. Why even waste the thief's time with the slave girl if she isn't going to do anything? Warm fuzzies don't count for much here. Besides, I wanted the slave girl to die to throw my lead character off the deep end, since he felt responsible for the slave girl to the point of hiring the thief. Alright, scratch that last scene. So the thief doesn't whisk the slave girl away, but instead hangs around protecting her. Then the slave girl is threatened by the main bad guy and heads start to roll. But I didn't want everyone to stay dead. I just wanted to cause my hero to snap. Oh look, the thief's son... The plot shifts again. Who is the boy's father? Heck if I know. He was just named after the only man that the thief ever loved. He was just a random drop in to show the thief's devotion that started in the first book. Holy cow, our hero has the powers of a fertility deity. I forgot about that. Yeah, the thief petitioned our hero to help her conceive. And when was this? Well, I did need some interaction between the thief and our hero in the second book. What better timing? So the boy is conceived with supernatural powers and... Hmmm, alright, what purpose does that serve? I can't just decide to throw that in and have it go nowhere. Viola! The boy pops up in the fourth book to antagonize our hero's son. But I decided that the thief and her brother (an assassin) would swear loyalty for them and their offspring to serve the hero's family in the third book. Then the boy isn't a villain, he's an antihero. Now the boy has a role in the fourth book when he didn't even exist beyond a simple mention a moment ago! Egads. Can you see why I have trouble sleeping?
Kimi is asleep now, so I should be laying down for a nap myself. However my stomach is grumbling and the dogs want some freedom. I guess I'll forgo sleep once again.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Dear Kimi...
Dear Kimi,
I haven't lived up to my full mommy potential. Among the many things that I would like to do but I just never get around to it is to make you a baby book. Honestly, I'm not a scrapbooker and the most creative I get with paper is making an origami crane or two. But I could have at least remembered where I set that little book with your newborn footprints stamped in it. In an attempt to make it up to you, I'm writing you this note to tell you what your infant days were like.
We named you Kimiko Ann Mori Townsend. I always wanted to name a daughter Michita and your daddy said, we can call her "Chi" but we first need to have a girl named "Kim" so together, they could be Kim-Chi. I didn't like Kimberly, so I reached to my Japanese roots and pulled out Kimiko and you were thusly named. The Ann comes from me and your Grandma Mo, since both of us have the middle name Ann.
You were born on August 22nd, though you were due to come out August 6th. You just didn't want to drop (stubborn girl)! But I put up with you kicking me and head-butting me in the bladder for the extra 2+ weeks. I tried eating Kim-Chi, spicy ramen, spicy tacos, and pineapple, but you still refused to come out. I marched up and down several flights of stairs every weekday morning to get to my desk on the 5th floor, and I walked at lunch. You were just too comfortable on the inside. Finally the doctor said that it was time and at 7 AM, your daddy and I checked into the hospital and started the long wait for you to come out. When things finally started moving along, I opted to go with the drugs and sleepily pushed for three hours. The doctor gave me an ultimatum, either push you out or he was dragging you out via cesarean. And so finally, at 11:10 PM, you finally popped out weighing 7 lbs 6 ozs and measuring 21 inches long, sporting a full head of beautiful dark hair. The ultrasound had told us that you were a girl, but no one bothered to check until I asked.
I've been rather diligent about taking pictures throughout your life, but what I don't have are pictures from your return visit to the hospital where you had to sleep under a bililight. You may never know how terrified I was when I took you home slightly jaundiced and had to take you back to the hospital because your bilirubin levels soared to a 17. I was so worried, but I stayed by your side the entire time, sleeping on an uncomfortable excuse for a bench and checking on you every few minutes. Thankfully your levels came down like they were supposed to and we got to take you home again.
I'd like to make mention to you that you were an angry baby from the start. It sounded as if you were born with the lungs of a 2 month old as you screamed throughout the night and got so worked up that your crying turned to coughing and your daddy commented how much you sounded like a scooter. The nurses looked at him strange when he called you his little scooter.
You're three months old now and you just had your first Thanksgiving. You wouldn't let me put you down for very long which made mashing the potatoes difficult, but we managed. Your aunt Abi cooked a delicious turkey and your dad played the piano for us. Then we all watched a movie on the projector while we ate.
I need to tell you how proud I am of you. On the 8th of November, you rolled over from tummy to back. You hate tummy time. It's a surefire way to get you screaming. I'm thinking it'll probably change once you're able to crawl, but for now, it just makes you miserable. On top of that, I'm fairly certain that you're teething.
I love you little girl. You're the most beautiful child I have ever seen. I will get better at recording your life... maybe.
Love you always,
Mama
I haven't lived up to my full mommy potential. Among the many things that I would like to do but I just never get around to it is to make you a baby book. Honestly, I'm not a scrapbooker and the most creative I get with paper is making an origami crane or two. But I could have at least remembered where I set that little book with your newborn footprints stamped in it. In an attempt to make it up to you, I'm writing you this note to tell you what your infant days were like.
We named you Kimiko Ann Mori Townsend. I always wanted to name a daughter Michita and your daddy said, we can call her "Chi" but we first need to have a girl named "Kim" so together, they could be Kim-Chi. I didn't like Kimberly, so I reached to my Japanese roots and pulled out Kimiko and you were thusly named. The Ann comes from me and your Grandma Mo, since both of us have the middle name Ann.
You were born on August 22nd, though you were due to come out August 6th. You just didn't want to drop (stubborn girl)! But I put up with you kicking me and head-butting me in the bladder for the extra 2+ weeks. I tried eating Kim-Chi, spicy ramen, spicy tacos, and pineapple, but you still refused to come out. I marched up and down several flights of stairs every weekday morning to get to my desk on the 5th floor, and I walked at lunch. You were just too comfortable on the inside. Finally the doctor said that it was time and at 7 AM, your daddy and I checked into the hospital and started the long wait for you to come out. When things finally started moving along, I opted to go with the drugs and sleepily pushed for three hours. The doctor gave me an ultimatum, either push you out or he was dragging you out via cesarean. And so finally, at 11:10 PM, you finally popped out weighing 7 lbs 6 ozs and measuring 21 inches long, sporting a full head of beautiful dark hair. The ultrasound had told us that you were a girl, but no one bothered to check until I asked.
I've been rather diligent about taking pictures throughout your life, but what I don't have are pictures from your return visit to the hospital where you had to sleep under a bililight. You may never know how terrified I was when I took you home slightly jaundiced and had to take you back to the hospital because your bilirubin levels soared to a 17. I was so worried, but I stayed by your side the entire time, sleeping on an uncomfortable excuse for a bench and checking on you every few minutes. Thankfully your levels came down like they were supposed to and we got to take you home again.
I'd like to make mention to you that you were an angry baby from the start. It sounded as if you were born with the lungs of a 2 month old as you screamed throughout the night and got so worked up that your crying turned to coughing and your daddy commented how much you sounded like a scooter. The nurses looked at him strange when he called you his little scooter.
You're three months old now and you just had your first Thanksgiving. You wouldn't let me put you down for very long which made mashing the potatoes difficult, but we managed. Your aunt Abi cooked a delicious turkey and your dad played the piano for us. Then we all watched a movie on the projector while we ate.
I need to tell you how proud I am of you. On the 8th of November, you rolled over from tummy to back. You hate tummy time. It's a surefire way to get you screaming. I'm thinking it'll probably change once you're able to crawl, but for now, it just makes you miserable. On top of that, I'm fairly certain that you're teething.
I love you little girl. You're the most beautiful child I have ever seen. I will get better at recording your life... maybe.
Love you always,
Mama
I should be sleeping
I've decided to take up blogging since it's almost midnight on Thanksgiving/Black Friday, I'm tired as all heck, and I can't fall asleep because I can't stop thinking. So here it is, Loni's blog, and I'm not really expecting anyone to read it. Alright, maybe I might clue in my mom (Hi Mom!) about it since she's one of the people that really seems to enjoy knowing what is going on with me.
I'll start off with what is keeping me up and awake, lying in bed with my eyes closed in the dark. I like to write. I've had a book stuck in my head since my pre-Sailor Moon days which I think was before I even hit tween. This book has morphed over the years (and years) so that there's actually more substance and less "magical conveniences", but the basis behind the story is the same. Here's the rundown of the differences.
It started out with Derek, a biology student living a mediocre life in his parents' downstairs who has a shallow girlfriend named Britney whose friends dig Derek and a brilliant younger sister named Melanie, who gets magically sucked into another world where he meets a mysterious woman with teal hair who has amnesia. Derek instantly falls for Tika (odd looking woman from another world) and he tags along on her journey to this tower she is being lured to by an evil fairy named Iresu who has control over a prince named Akito and wreaks all kinds of havoc just because she wants to rule the world. During this journey, Derek comes across Jebaliah, a young woman who is in love with him to an obsessive point, hates the Princess MaTisha (who is Tika's true identity), and accidentally kills Han (Derek's former self) in a mishap battle. Jebaliah is also the leader of a rebel group and her right hand man is Kieser, a dashing man who is ever faithful to his leader. Also there are the guardians, Komiko, Senu, Yone, and Nicky. Derek finds out that he was actually a prince who rejected the evil fairy's offer of power and as a result, his family was killed and he was forced into hiding as a child. Eventually you find out that MaTisha loved Han and when he died, used her power to send him to another world and another life. I also have a bit about taking the entire gang to our world to explore the joys of traffic and the mall. Overall, Derek is a nice guy and MaTisha is an innocent little princess.
Well, then I got to thinking. It's a bad habit really. I, for some reason, no longer liked the concept of princes and princesses. So I threw that out the window and created my own social structure revolving around my created race, Drethamir, Teymir, Thanmir, and the rest are just commoners so to speak. And then I didn't like the thought of fairies. So I decided to create a race of elementals, humanoid beings smaller than humans and divided into five clans, each with their own branch of elemental power. They now have distinctive hair, eye, and skin color which lets me pass off MaTisha's once teal hair now as silver-blue, since she's of the water clan. And then I moved into deeper thought. Why would a powerful fairy want to rule the world? It didn't really make sense to me. What would be the point? Iresu the power hungry fairy turned into Ira, a Teymir (clan leader) who lost her power and now seeks to restore it by taking the Thanmir's (half-elemental, half-human offspring born for the purpose of being vessels for corrupt power) power. She convinced one of her sons, Thanmir Aito instead of Akito, that she has his best intentions in mind and uses him to try to draw Thanmir MaTisha to her with intent to kill her. In this version, Han steps in to save her when Aito tries to capture her, and is maimed to near death. His Teymir grandmother intervenes to save his life, sending him to be reborn on another world (our world) and in the process, messes up MaTisha's attempt to save Han and scatters her and the guardians, inflicting her amnesia to all of them. Jebaliah in this version is Han's foster daughter and she ends up in the care of a military commander, Kieser who is less of the suave and dashing figure and more of the neat and tidy sort. And the guardians got different names: Naomi, Jack, Liz, and Nicholas. The story plays out with much the same plot but far more meat. Derek's life took a turn for the worse. I'd tell you all about it, but hey, you'll just have to read the book(s) when it(they) come out.
One of the things that worried me about writing my books (I have about six with Derek as the main character and more with his children taking the lead) was the theological side. I'm a Christian, but my books are not. In my books I created my own religion with its own powerful deities, and that's on top of the Drethamir being gods to the elementals since they created the elements and elementals. I've always been concerned that someone who knows me personally would read my writing and shun me for the un-Christianly theology of my mythological fantasy world. I want to reassure you all that my books are works of fiction and no way represent my actual beliefs. There. I'm glad that's off my chest.
Alright! Now that I finally got the part about my books written down in my blog and it's now about an hour later than when I started, I'm moving on to other topics I wanted to write about.
I'm lazy and lack self-discipline. I would like to do something about it, but when I attempt to, I find that I'm lazy and lack self-discipline to do so. Go figure. I'm horrible at starting something and not finishing it. Or wanting to do something and not getting around to it. I've decided to put down my list. Maybe, just maybe, it'll help me accomplish some of my goals (listed as I thought them up, not in order of importance).
Goal #1: Get my weight down to 135 lbs by working out regularly and using our weight set for at least 1 hour a day. I bought it. I should use it.
Goal #2: Finish my blanket. I've got numerous crochet squares that I've got to make and I really should be doing that instead of playing "PocketFrogs" on my iPod Touch.
Goal #3: Return to pole dancing. For those of you who don't know me, it's not what it seems. Ophidia studios teaches pole dancing and it's great fun and helps boost sexy self-confidence.
Goal #4: Write my books. With the history I gave earlier, this goal should be self-explanatory.
My ultimate goal though is Kimi. Kimiko is the most adorably beautiful child in the world. She's also my 3 month old daughter. I'm going to be getting up in about 3-4 hours to go buy her a jumperoo from Babies 'R Us. I want to exercise her constantly kicking legs. I'm also endeavoring to potty train her. Being lazy and lacking self-discipline makes this a daunting task. I need to recognize her signs that tell me when she needs to go. This means I need to look at her instead of my computer. Hrmmm. Things I plan on buying while I'm at Babies 'R Us: jumperoo, waterproof pads, and child potty. But I'd also like to get her some leg warmers and this nifty elastic belt that I can just tuck cloth diapers into so that taking them off is really easy. I figure I could probably make both. But that'd take putting forth the effort and putting down the PocketFrogs.
Ah, 1:04 AM. I think I'm going to bed now.
I'll start off with what is keeping me up and awake, lying in bed with my eyes closed in the dark. I like to write. I've had a book stuck in my head since my pre-Sailor Moon days which I think was before I even hit tween. This book has morphed over the years (and years) so that there's actually more substance and less "magical conveniences", but the basis behind the story is the same. Here's the rundown of the differences.
It started out with Derek, a biology student living a mediocre life in his parents' downstairs who has a shallow girlfriend named Britney whose friends dig Derek and a brilliant younger sister named Melanie, who gets magically sucked into another world where he meets a mysterious woman with teal hair who has amnesia. Derek instantly falls for Tika (odd looking woman from another world) and he tags along on her journey to this tower she is being lured to by an evil fairy named Iresu who has control over a prince named Akito and wreaks all kinds of havoc just because she wants to rule the world. During this journey, Derek comes across Jebaliah, a young woman who is in love with him to an obsessive point, hates the Princess MaTisha (who is Tika's true identity), and accidentally kills Han (Derek's former self) in a mishap battle. Jebaliah is also the leader of a rebel group and her right hand man is Kieser, a dashing man who is ever faithful to his leader. Also there are the guardians, Komiko, Senu, Yone, and Nicky. Derek finds out that he was actually a prince who rejected the evil fairy's offer of power and as a result, his family was killed and he was forced into hiding as a child. Eventually you find out that MaTisha loved Han and when he died, used her power to send him to another world and another life. I also have a bit about taking the entire gang to our world to explore the joys of traffic and the mall. Overall, Derek is a nice guy and MaTisha is an innocent little princess.
Well, then I got to thinking. It's a bad habit really. I, for some reason, no longer liked the concept of princes and princesses. So I threw that out the window and created my own social structure revolving around my created race, Drethamir, Teymir, Thanmir, and the rest are just commoners so to speak. And then I didn't like the thought of fairies. So I decided to create a race of elementals, humanoid beings smaller than humans and divided into five clans, each with their own branch of elemental power. They now have distinctive hair, eye, and skin color which lets me pass off MaTisha's once teal hair now as silver-blue, since she's of the water clan. And then I moved into deeper thought. Why would a powerful fairy want to rule the world? It didn't really make sense to me. What would be the point? Iresu the power hungry fairy turned into Ira, a Teymir (clan leader) who lost her power and now seeks to restore it by taking the Thanmir's (half-elemental, half-human offspring born for the purpose of being vessels for corrupt power) power. She convinced one of her sons, Thanmir Aito instead of Akito, that she has his best intentions in mind and uses him to try to draw Thanmir MaTisha to her with intent to kill her. In this version, Han steps in to save her when Aito tries to capture her, and is maimed to near death. His Teymir grandmother intervenes to save his life, sending him to be reborn on another world (our world) and in the process, messes up MaTisha's attempt to save Han and scatters her and the guardians, inflicting her amnesia to all of them. Jebaliah in this version is Han's foster daughter and she ends up in the care of a military commander, Kieser who is less of the suave and dashing figure and more of the neat and tidy sort. And the guardians got different names: Naomi, Jack, Liz, and Nicholas. The story plays out with much the same plot but far more meat. Derek's life took a turn for the worse. I'd tell you all about it, but hey, you'll just have to read the book(s) when it(they) come out.
One of the things that worried me about writing my books (I have about six with Derek as the main character and more with his children taking the lead) was the theological side. I'm a Christian, but my books are not. In my books I created my own religion with its own powerful deities, and that's on top of the Drethamir being gods to the elementals since they created the elements and elementals. I've always been concerned that someone who knows me personally would read my writing and shun me for the un-Christianly theology of my mythological fantasy world. I want to reassure you all that my books are works of fiction and no way represent my actual beliefs. There. I'm glad that's off my chest.
Alright! Now that I finally got the part about my books written down in my blog and it's now about an hour later than when I started, I'm moving on to other topics I wanted to write about.
I'm lazy and lack self-discipline. I would like to do something about it, but when I attempt to, I find that I'm lazy and lack self-discipline to do so. Go figure. I'm horrible at starting something and not finishing it. Or wanting to do something and not getting around to it. I've decided to put down my list. Maybe, just maybe, it'll help me accomplish some of my goals (listed as I thought them up, not in order of importance).
Goal #1: Get my weight down to 135 lbs by working out regularly and using our weight set for at least 1 hour a day. I bought it. I should use it.
Goal #2: Finish my blanket. I've got numerous crochet squares that I've got to make and I really should be doing that instead of playing "PocketFrogs" on my iPod Touch.
Goal #3: Return to pole dancing. For those of you who don't know me, it's not what it seems. Ophidia studios teaches pole dancing and it's great fun and helps boost sexy self-confidence.
Goal #4: Write my books. With the history I gave earlier, this goal should be self-explanatory.
My ultimate goal though is Kimi. Kimiko is the most adorably beautiful child in the world. She's also my 3 month old daughter. I'm going to be getting up in about 3-4 hours to go buy her a jumperoo from Babies 'R Us. I want to exercise her constantly kicking legs. I'm also endeavoring to potty train her. Being lazy and lacking self-discipline makes this a daunting task. I need to recognize her signs that tell me when she needs to go. This means I need to look at her instead of my computer. Hrmmm. Things I plan on buying while I'm at Babies 'R Us: jumperoo, waterproof pads, and child potty. But I'd also like to get her some leg warmers and this nifty elastic belt that I can just tuck cloth diapers into so that taking them off is really easy. I figure I could probably make both. But that'd take putting forth the effort and putting down the PocketFrogs.
Ah, 1:04 AM. I think I'm going to bed now.
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